333 <3

#TBT I stand in front of this creation from 2015, it hangs on the ice machine at eye level, by the window, and soak it in. I find myself doing this more often lately. Standing there, re-reading the words, enjoying the details of the creation. If you only knew the conversations that have taken place in this amazingly warm, rich, open, beautiful, chemistry lab. Sometimes I think this lab knows me better than any human being. This lab has seen me transform in the last seven years, it has been my work place and my sanctuary. It has been the place I go when I need to get away from others, it has been a place of great conversation, it has heard me listen to some of the wildest chanting music, channeled conversation, spiritual lectures and sexed up love songs all depending upon my mood of the day. It has heard me curse, seen me cry, allowed myself to freely express myself while it contained the many faucets of me from others. It has seen me, knee down to the floor, in moments of great appreciation of this physical (and non-physical) universe. It has met my mom, my dad, my exboyfriends, and several varied travelers throughout the years.

My favorite travelers have been the work-study students who I get to spend one-on-one time with throughout the semester, throughout the years. The ones who saw this blank piece of paper I wrote “333 & Love on” and kept going, kept expanding the idea of what this magical space actually represented to us, the ones who came before them and the ones who came after too (even if they didn’t actually write a word, they all contributed to the vibe of 333).

Today, I became so present to how beautiful this space is, how perfect this role is for me at the moment, I get to work alone for the most part, and then interact individually with the most amazing students ever. Each student I get to ‘penetrate the depths of human consciousness’ with, laugh with, expand with, walk every step with, grow with, smile with, be in ‘the universe’ with…. so fun! Unbelievable, the humans who walk through that door.

I was trying to put words on why I like college students so much, although I am starting to feel older than them (when I first started at USD I was 23, now 30, I’ve lived a little since then)… but I realized I love engaging in conversations with the college students because they are in a similar place of openness, searching, and wondering that I consistently live in. They don’t have it figured out! They don’t pretend to have it figured out and it’s okay for them to ‘not have it figured out’. Whereas, as we get older (aka adults) we have a role, we have a degree, we have life experience that says “we should know, we’ve survived, we make a living, we have a family, we have it figured out”. Static, stuck, perhaps slight room for expansion, but mostly closed to radical ideas.

College students on the other hand, at least the ones that walk through my door, the conversations they engage in with me, so open, so deep, so much room to weave in and out of the boundaries of societal norms, expectations, and human perceptions of reality. Heh, if you know me, you know I’m always drawing those conversations a little bit deeper towards that last place… but these college students, so willing to go there. And for that, and these words they wrote about 333, I am endlessly appreciative. Thank you friends for visiting with me as we work together, these words fill my heart even years later