It’s okay to outgrow yourself. 

A few days ago I saw someone post a photo on Instragram acknowledging their grandmother for still being able to drink them, a twenty-five year old woman, under the table.  My first instinct was, “aw, that’s cute” which quickly shifted to “wow, she can definitely drink me under the table then because in the past year I have really curbed my drinking”.  In this past year, I don’t feel like drinking any more, when I do drink I can only drink a beer or two or a glass of wine, and forget about my old ‘go to’… vodka.. yuck! Keep that nasty liquor away from me, no more shots, bleck!  Alcohol just makes me tired now, so then my thought went to “wow I’m lame now”… but then as I was pondering this further, to still down drinks when you are 80, it’s like, did you really grow?  Would that really be cool? Why is that something to be proud of, or something to acknowledge about some body.. and then the phrase hit me… “It’s okay to out grow yourself”

Drinking at 18… drinking at 21.. drinking at 28…. drinking at 50.. and 80… a lifetime spent drinking…?  It is okay to let that go… let it go, it’s okay to outgrow yourself.  It’s okay that one time all I lived for were Friday nights with my girls, getting black-out drunk, dancing on tables, making out with boys, burritos in the AM, sleeping in or waking up still drunk… and wow, does that lifestyle sound terrible to me now.  Now I crave silence, stillness, deep conversations that open a new place in my heart, mind, and body.  To know myself as someone larger, to know myself as something bigger.

I used to think of me as just Jessica, my personality was me.  Then I experienced a moment of bliss with all that is and now I know my soul, or my oversoul, or that larger aspect of me that I STILL AM, even though I am also in this human form.  It watches over me, it tries to help me along, to remember who I am and how gloriously I intended this life time to be.  The moment of bliss with it was more intoxicating than any drink, drug, or food I had ever consumed. This love consumed ME.  Since that moment my life has only gotten deeper and deeper and I have known myself as something so large, knowing there is always more to myself to discover, that I exist on different planes in different realities on different levels in different forms ALL AT THE SAME TIME since there is no time other than Here and Now.  The Present leads to Presence.  So yes, I’ve given up the drugs and the booze and even.. the men… and I’ve gained my best friend, my soul mate, the one I can always count on to look at me with love… mySelf.

So it really is okay to outgrow yourself, in fact it happens often and it is the purpose of our soul journey’s here, to grow, to expand, to remember, to awaken, to watch itself go through life, to choose, to love, to merge with itself as many times and in as many ways as possible.  Bloom baby bloom ❤