“For now she need not think of anybody. [[She could be herself, by herself.]] And that was what now she often felt the need of – to think; well not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated; and one shrunk, with a sense of solemnity, to being oneself, a wedge-shaped core of darkness, something invisible to others… and this self having shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures.”― Virginia Woolf

I ran across this Virginia Woolf quote as I was google quotes for Silence and it tapped right in to the core of my heart, of what I had been feeling lately, of how I wanted to be left by myself… I could be myself, by myself, invisible to others and having shed all that attachment to how I looked, what I should be doing, where I should be in life, how much money I should be making, how much I should weigh, how much I should laugh or smile or glitter or produce… I was free for the *STRANGEST* adventures.  ahhhh I love that she used that word, it’s as if she also went through this extraordinary inner journey that you can barely explain because it’s so personal and strange and I love it. More Please Universe!

Yesterday I deactivated Facebook before I went home for work and for the first five minutes afterwards I felt as if I was going to cry, I was so anxious that I would be missing out on Life.  I had been using facebook for TEN years (my First post was in 2005).. so to let that go felt like a B I G deal.  Lots of energy was moving throughout my body I just had to breathe deeply for a few minutes.  But on my way home, I felt MORE present in my life already.  I was not reaching for my phone at every stop sign, I was not worried about what others were posting, I was still thinking in terms of “facebook statuses” though… meaning I would have a great thought and think, “oh I need to post that one on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day” and then realize I won’t be posting because I do not have facebook.  I feel more present. I feel more here. I feel more depth.  Day 1 going strong.

So here I go, My golden Birthday, 28 on January 28th and I am giving mySelf a Golden Gift… Silence.

~J